Jax (A Bastard Novel) Read online

  A lump rises in my throat as I gaze down at the black leatherbound sketchpad. It has Jax’s Dream embossed in silver across the front, and the words Wicked Ink curved around an image of a skull and crossbones underneath. This gift signifies so much. Candice is the only one who’s ever supported me. I love her for that alone.

  ‘Thank you,’ I say as my eyes meet hers.

  ‘You will open your own tattoo parlour one day, Jaxson Albright, I know it.’ I love the conviction in her voice.

  A sudden wave of sadness washes over me. ‘How am I going to survive the next few years without you?’

  She sighs and looks down at her hand as she swirls a figure-eight pattern in the comforter.

  ‘Hey,’ I say, placing my finger under her chin and dipping my head to make eye contact with her. When I see tears pooling in her baby blues, it’s like a sucker-punch to the chest. I pull her into my arms. ‘Hey, don’t cry.’

  ‘You’re the bestest friend a girl could ever ask for,’ she sniffles.

  ‘And you’re the bestest friend a guy could ever ask for.’ Shit. Did I just utter those words? That would have to be, hands down, the unmanliest thing I’ve ever said. I hear her chuckle through her tears, and I know she’s thinking exactly what I am—I’m a pussy.

  ‘When am I going to see you again?’

  ‘There’s a spare room in my apartment in Sydney. Once I’m settled, you can come and stay some weekends.’

  ‘I’d like that.’

  My thumb sweeps across her cheek, wiping away her tears. It kills me to see her upset. I wish I didn’t have to leave her behind.

  Her eyes lock with mine, and just like in the corridor, something shifts. It’s like the universe has suddenly stopped spinning. I’m frozen. When her gaze flicks down to my mouth, and her tongue darts out to moisten her lips, my need to kiss her again is almost my undoing. I’ve gotta get out of here. I’m trying to be the good guy.

  Before I get the chance to react, she leans towards me as her eyes drift shut. The moment our lips connect all my resolve vanishes. My fingers thread through her hair as I draw her closer, deepening the kiss. I’m so lost in this moment, I’m powerless to stop it.

  ‘Jax,’ she whispers against my mouth as she pushes me back down on the mattress. The second she straddles my lap and her sweet lips meet mine again, I know I’m a goner.

  ‘Candice,’ I breathe, trailing my fingers up the length of her legs, my hands coming to rest on her arse. This is my wildest dream and my worst fucking nightmare. I’ve longed for and dreaded this moment since I first laid eyes on her.

  She’s my kryptonite.

  I groan into her mouth when she rotates her hips over my rock-hard cock. I need to put a stop to this, but I can’t. I crave her too much.

  When she abruptly pulls out of the kiss, I’m filled with mixed emotions. I’m thankful that, unlike me, she has the strength to stop this, but I’m gutted too.

  She manoeuvres her body down mine, sliding her hands underneath my T-shirt as she goes. Maybe I misunderstood.

  When she runs her tongue across my abdomen before raising her face and giving me a mischievous smile, I know I’ve misunderstood. Sweet Jesus, have I misunderstood.

  I swear my heart skips a beat when her fingers move to the waistband of my jeans. Is this really happening? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve jacked off to the image of her lips wrapped around my cock.

  She makes easy work of undoing the buttons, which is unnerving, although I’m not naive enough to think this is her first time. I know it’s not.

  Candice was dating one of my brother’s loser mates when we first met. They were all hanging around by the pool, so I decided to go for a swim. It was only to piss my brother off. He and his preppy mates have always thought they were too good for me, and I get pleasure out of riling them. They were playing some pansy-arse game of water polo or something, so I ran out onto the back deck and did a mother of a bomb right in the middle of it. I hadn’t even noticed Candice sitting on the edge of the pool until I heard her sweet laugh when I broke the surface.

  My brother and his mates screamed profanities at me, but I only had eyes for the pretty blonde sitting a few feet away. She was fully dressed and soaked from the splash, but surprisingly, she was smiling. It was a beautiful smile too. I’ve never been a believer in love at first sight, but, fuck me, if I didn’t fall a little in love with her in that moment. If it had been any of the other stuck-up bitches my brother hangs around with, all hell would’ve broken loose.

  A few weeks later, I ended up beating the crap out of her boyfriend in our kitchen after I heard him bragging about her exceptional oral skills to my brother and his dickhead mates. Thankfully, Candice saw the light and broke up with him a week later. We’ve been inseparable ever since.

  I’m pulled back into reality when her hand slides inside my boxer briefs, causing me to inhale sharply. I’m torn. I want this more than I want my next breath, but it’s what comes after that petrifies the hell out of me. I can’t lose her.

  ‘Holy crap,’ she whispers once she’s freed my cock. ‘I had no idea you were packing this monster in your pants. This thing should come with a warning label.’

  I laugh. ‘You’re not the first person to say that,’ I reply. When her eyes slightly narrow and her grip on my cock tightens, I get the impression she doesn’t want to hear about the other girls I’ve been with. I don’t blame her.

  I’m positive that’s one of the reasons I beat up her ex—because he was disrespecting her by telling his mates how well she sucks cock. And also, the thought of them together like that really messed with my head. I hadn’t even known Candice very long at that stage, but that was irrelevant; she’d already captured my heart. The day we met, when my brother and his mates moved their pansy-arse party inside, she stayed out the back. We sat on the patio and talked for hours. I’ve never clicked with anyone the way I did with her. She was like nobody I’d ever known, or am likely to know again. She ignited something in me that day, which only seemed to grow brighter the more we were together.

  I take a deep breath and hold it as her lips inch towards my cock. Part of me is screaming, stop this before it goes any further! But I can’t. Maybe the alcohol coursing through my veins is affecting my rational thinking, or maybe it’s because all the blood in my head is now rushing to my cock.

  The second her sweet mouth wraps around the head, every ounce of fight leaves me. ‘Candice,’ I moan as my hands grip her hair. ‘Fuck.’ My eyes roll back in my head as my hips involuntarily thrust towards her mouth. She takes me deep into her throat, palming my balls in her hand at the same time. I bet you a thousand bucks one of those trophies in her cabinet says: Blowjob Queen—Candice Crawford. If there isn’t one, there should be.

  I bask in her magic mouth for a little while longer, before putting my hands under her arms and dragging her up my body. It’s not fair that I’m the one getting all the pleasure.

  When her mouth crashes into mine, I flip her over, covering half of her body with my own. ‘It’s my turn.’

  ‘Jax,’ she whispers when my fingers trail up her inner thigh and under that sexy little denim skirt she’s wearing. I groan when she parts her legs for me, allowing me better access. I’m still unsure about this but my resolve is slipping with every second that passes.

  The moment my hand runs between her legs and over the soaked fabric of her lace panties, all my indecision vanishes. I need her—more than life itself.

  Sliding my hand into her underwear, my fingers glide through her heaven. I groan again when I feel how wet she is for me. ‘I need to taste you,’ I say, pulling out of the kiss and making eye contact with her.

  ‘Please,’ she whimpers.

  ‘Are you sure?’ I ask, hoping she has the sense to stop this, because I sure as hell don’t.

  My hopes are dashed when she nods before uttering, ‘Yes. I’ve never been surer.’

  There’s no way I can deny her.

  Sitting back on my
haunches, I glide her pink lace panties down her legs. She lifts her torso away from the mattress, pulling her shirt over her head, and removing her bra while she’s at it. She’s beautiful. Surely she didn’t need all those trophies to tell her that? My eyes rake over her luscious body. She takes my breath away.

  I’m so fucking hard my cock aches.

  She moans the moment my mouth bears down on her and her fingers clutch my hair. Christ, she tastes just as sweet as I knew she would.

  It only takes me minutes to have her coming undone. I reach up and place my hand over her mouth when she screams out in pleasure. Her mother’s downstairs—I don’t fancy facing Sophia’s wrath if she finds out what we’re up to in here.

  Taking my time, I kiss my way up Candice’s body until my mouth covers hers. I know the day will come when I’ll regret doing this, but right now I’m too lost in her to care. My body is nestled between her legs, and my need to be inside her is so strong.

  ‘Fuck me, Jax,’ she breathes as her fingers skim down my back. Did she just read my mind?

  ‘Candice,’ I murmur. The moment I slide the tip of my cock inside, I throw my head back and groan. She’s so tight. She feels amazing.

  My mouth hungrily captures hers as I push my hips forward, filling her completely. I hear her breath hitch as her body stiffens.

  ‘Shit. Are you okay?’ I ask.

  ‘I’m perfect.’

  ‘Do you want me to stop?’ Please don’t say yes.

  ‘No. Just give me a minute. You’re hung like a horse, remember?’

  I chuckle. She has no filter whatsoever. I love that about her.

  Stilling, I give her body time to adjust. My mouth meets hers again, but this time my kiss is a lot softer. I stay buried inside her for the longest time, while we make out until my need to move becomes too much.

  Drawing my hips back slightly, we moan in unison when I slide back in. Soon I’m moving at a steady pace, thrusting into her little slice of heaven over and over. Rocking her hips, she meets me stroke for stroke. What I’m feeling for her in this moment scares me. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

  Flipping over onto my back, I bring her with me. ‘You’ve never looked more beautiful than you do right now,’ I say as she straddles my hips and sinks down onto my cock.

  She rewards me with a smile. ‘I’ve never felt more beautiful.’

  My fingers dig into her hips as I lift her before drawing her back down. I watch as her eyes flutter shut and her mouth parts as she sweetly moans. Lowering my gaze, I stare at her pussy tightly wrapped around my dick. It’s a perfect fit. Then my heart sinks.

  ‘Fuck,’ I grate out, pulling her off me in a panic.

  ‘What?’ she asks, confused.

  ‘I forgot to put a rubber on.’ I’ve never gone bareback before. ‘Shit,’ I say, looking down at my cock. Is that blood? That’s all I damn well need. ‘Fuck. Please don’t tell me you’re a virgin.’

  ‘Okay, I won’t,’ she whispers as she draws her legs up to her chest and wraps her arms around them.

  ‘You won’t what?’

  ‘Tell you,’ she replies, turning her face away from me.

  Christ. How could that be? I never would’ve let this go so far if I’d known.

  The moment I go to stand, Candice grabs for my arm. ‘Don’t go,’ she begs. ‘I’ve mucked around with guys before, but I’ve never gone all the way. It’s no big deal.’

  Running my fingers through my hair in frustration, I turn to face her. ‘It’s a huge fucking deal, Candice.’

  When I notice the tears pooling in her eyes I pull her to me.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘Because I know the type of person you are, Jax. You never would’ve gone through with it.’

  She’s right, I wouldn’t have. Too late now, the damage is done.

  We’re both silent for the longest time, before she finally speaks. ‘Please don’t leave me.’

  I don’t reply because truthfully, I don’t know what to say. I’m not sure if she’s talking about this moment, or me going away to university. The thought of leaving her and not seeing her for God knows how long is tearing me up inside.

  ‘I need you, Jax,’ she says, sliding her leg over my lap and straddling me again.

  My entire body comes back to life the moment she sinks down onto me.

  ‘I need you,’ she repeats.

  When her lips meet mine again, I’m lost. I fucking need her too.

  ‘Wait. Let me wrap it,’ I say, pulling out of the kiss. ‘You know how I feel about having kids. I’m not cut out for shit like that. I’m not taking any chances.’

  When I attempt to reach down for my jeans, she stops me. ‘I’m not ready for anything like that either, Jax. Christ, I’m only eighteen. Sophia would kill me.’

  ‘She’d kill me too.’

  ‘But I want to feel all of you. Can’t you just pull out when it’s time? It’ll be safe, right?’

  My common sense screams, don’t be a fool, wrap that fucker, but my heart tells me to give Candice what she wants. My heart will always win out when it comes to her.

  Holding my orgasm back, I drag this out as long as I can. I don’t want our time together to end, because I know it’ll be our last, our only.

  The second I feel her muscles clench around my shaft, I can no longer stop the inevitable. Quickly pulling out, I stroke my cock a few times until I’m coming all over her silky soft skin. It’s a beautiful sight.

  In this moment, I know I’m ruined. I’ll never again experience anything remotely close to what I just did with her. Never.

  ••••

  When I wake, the room is bathed in darkness, and my head hurts like a bitch. I lay there for a few minutes, trying to get my bearings. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks—Candice.

  Please let this be a dream.

  Turning my head, I see her beautiful profile illuminated by the moonlight shining through her bedroom window. Christ. It’s not a dream.

  Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I sit up, clutching my pounding head in my hands. What have I done? A lump rises in my throat as the enormity of everything I’ve just risked hits home.

  I’m suddenly feeling like I can’t breathe. I need to get out of here. I blindly feel around the floor, searching for my pants. ‘Fuck,’ I murmur to myself as I slip into my jeans. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck.’

  Once I’m dressed, I make the heart-wrenching decision to walk away. It’s gonna kill me, but it needs to be done. I can’t face her in the morning. I just can’t.

  ‘I love you, Candice Crawford,’ I whisper as I lean down, gently placing my lips on hers. I’ve never uttered those words before—my family doesn’t do love. But I’ve been in love with Candice for a long time, last night just confirmed it.

  She stirs briefly before releasing a cute snore. Even though my heart is heavy, it brings a smile to my face. I walk to the door, glancing over my shoulder as I go. This may be the last time I ever see her.

  I selfishly put my wants before my needs, and I hate myself right now. I’ve always wanted her, but more than anything I’ve needed her. I always will.

  I fucked up.

  I’ve ruined everything.

  CANDICE

  ‘UGH!’ I MOAN, THE MOMENT I WAKE AND TRY TO SWALLOW. My throat hurts so bad. Come to think of it, so does my head. I feel like I’ve been hit by a freight train. I roll onto my side, tucking the blankets around my chin. Why am I naked? My brain seems foggy.

  ‘Jax,’ I breathe as my eyes spring open. I groan from the pain as I quickly roll over. My heart drops when I see that the spot where he was lying last night is now empty. He’s gone.

  Groaning again, I hastily throw back the blankets and get out of bed. Shit. I’m never drinking again. ‘Clothes, clothes,’ I mutter to myself, spinning in a circle and scanning the floor. I can’t go downstairs naked.

  Scooping up the denim skirt and pink singlet I wore yesterday, I quickly dress before hurrying
out of my room. I cup my bouncing boobs in my hands as I run down the stairs. This is an emergency—there was no time to put on underwear.

  Maybe Jax is having coffee in the kitchen with Sophia. Please let him be having coffee with my mother. He’s stayed over countless times when we’ve fallen asleep watching movies, but last night was the first time he’s been in my bed. I know my mother well enough to know she’ll think nothing of it. She knows we’re just friends, or should I say were. I have no idea what we are now, but I hope it’s something. Please let us be something.

  From the second I laid eyes on Jax, I knew he was special. He’s like no one I’ve ever known. We fit like two pieces of a puzzle. I’ve secretly wanted more since the day we became friends, but until last night, he never seemed interested in me in that way.

  ‘Morning,’ Sophia says when I rush into the kitchen.

  ‘Is Jax here?’ I ask in a panic.

  ‘I haven’t seen him.’

  Shit. My heart drops. Breaking into a run, I head for our usual hangouts.

  ‘Don’t forget your hairdresser’s appointment today,’ Sophia calls at my retreating back. She’s delusional if she thinks I’m going.

  When I enter the games room, I find it empty. God, please be here somewhere. If he’s left without so much as a goodbye after what we did last night, I’ll be crushed. He has a bit of a reputation with the ladies; I hear all the girls raving about him at school. I hate it, but I guess I have one thing they’ll never have: his friendship.

  Crossing the room and pushing open the French doors that lead to the back patio, my shoulders slump when I find no sign of him.

  ‘Shit,’ I mumble as a sick feeling settles in the pit of my stomach. He’s really gone. He fucked me and left. How could I be so stupid? I should’ve left things the way they were. Now I’ve ruined everything. What was I thinking?

  ‘Is everything okay?’ Sophia asks when I walk back into the kitchen. ‘You look like someone’s kicked your puppy.’

  ‘I don’t have a puppy,’ I snap.

  ‘It’s a figure of speech, honey.’

  ‘I know.’ I slouch onto one of the bar stools and bury my head in my hands.